October 22, 2012 by annalarissa
Do: Listen to your voice-mail once you’re above ground.
Don’t: Listen to your voice-mail on SPEAKER once you’re above ground to show people how important you are.
Do: Give your seat to a pregnant woman who would otherwise have to stand.
Don’t: Give your seat to a pregnant woman who would otherwise have to stand and then proceed to hit on her awkwardly until her stop.
Do: Move to the middle of the car to allow for influx of new passengers.
Don’t: Move to the middle of the car and start beat-boxing over people’s shoulders.
Do: Listen to your Ipod.
Don’t: Listen to your Ipod and start singing along with it, unless you are Kelly Clarkson, and you’re not.
Do: Forgive someone for bumping into you/stepping on your toes/elbowing you in the ribs.
Don’t: Give them a dirty look or say something nasty when this happens, a crowded train is unpleasant for everyone, please don’t make it worse.
Do: Read 50 Shades of Grey on your phone/Kindle/Nook/Ipad
Don’t: Read 50 Shades of Grey in paperback and smirk and snicker every time you turn the page.
Do: Coddle your screaming child.
Don’t: Coddle your screaming child and scream at your other children at the same time, this is not the time to show off your parenting skills.
Do: Hold hands with your significant other.
Don’t: Fondle your significant other.
Do: Hold onto the pole for stability.
Don’t: Lean against the pole, this making it impossible for anyone else to hold onto it.
Do: Eat quietly on the subway.
Don’t: Eat nosily and leave all your sticky trash on the floor you lazy douche bag.